A New Name

So I've just been approached by my editors at CAFE magazine to write both of two special features for the upcoming issue. Very cool - my barren cupboards will be happy. Only catch is they're a bit self-conscious having the same writer byline both articles, and so rather than push my editors into the arms of another journalist, I've decided to take a pen name.

So what, oh what, shall I be called? At first I was thinking Penny-Something sounded catchy... kinda investigative-reporter-from-the-70's. But then my roommate wisely pointed out that Penny-Something belongs more to the realm of adult entertainment, and that perhaps I was confusing pen name with porn name. Which led me to where I am now - a place far, far away from anything that matters - playing the "porn name game" (big around the McGibbon family dinner table) where you take your first pet'’s name and the name of the street you grew up on, but that leaves me with Elvis Malcolm, which just sounds like I didn't understand the game and chose two famous monikers.

But back to my nom de plume. When I suggested to Florian that maybe I'd try on a man's name, he said, "But you write like a woman." And when I asked what that meant, he shrugged lazily (who's fitting gender stereotypes now, biotch?). I should've come back at him with a zinger like "Oh yeah, well you walk like a woman!!" but such winning retorts only occur to you after the fact.

So any suggestions? And to anticipate your question - yes, I'll use some part of your name if you pay me. And yes, $100 is a perfectly acceptable starting bid.

Bye,
Amalia McGibbon, but not for long...